The idea behind most meditaion techniques is self discovery. But not always of the most convenient kind. Today I felt it necessary to explore a darker avenue of my psyche as a way to clear out some mental baggage.

This form of meditation is called Tonglen. The practice of taking on the suffering of others. (Or exploring your own). The concept is to breathe in “dirty energy” and push all positivity and comfort away with the out-breath as opposed to any other form of meditation.

Although overbearing, fear eventually shows itself as an old brick building with thick, abrasive walls tucked away behind the welcome mats of one’s eyes. It is a terrible omnipresent hotel and some of us hold the most sickening tenants.

I spent close to an hour forcing myself to tresspass in this ethereal structure with my skin crawling and my stomach sick. But, the overbearing emotions slowly begin to radiate outwards and dissipate. Like placing your hand on scolding hot leather thats been sitting in the sun. It is nearly impossible at first, but if you stay with it and endure the pain it slowly cools as it adjusts to the tempature of your touch.

The after effects of panic create such a deep tranquility: The calm silence after a terribly destructive storm. The brain gives in to complete exhaustion and I feel drained and absolutely serene. I feel like I just wrestled a goliath although in reality I was sitting still in a quite beautiful environment overlooking the water.

Today my hotel has a few less tenants.

Good fucking riddance.